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FOR Westerners, Cupid, the Roman god of love, is the one who helps them open their hearts. For Myanmar Buddhists, naphuza, or the Brahma’s writing on the brows of every baby on the sixth day after birth, is the main factor that predetermines their future better-halves.
Whether fixed by Cupid’s arrow, the Brahma’s brow writing or one’s kamma from a past life, marriage is seen by most Myanmar Buddhists as one of three enduring things in one’s life. Along with the other two, the building of a pagoda and tattooing, it is regarded as a once-in-a-lifetime occasion.
So significant is marriage for Myanmar people that planning for and conducting the wedding day’s ceremonies and celebrations is one of the most important tasks of an entire lifetime. Modern lifestyles and needs, however, are beginning to change many of the traditional wedding practices that have held forth among Myanmar’s couples for generations.
First among the changes is how a new marriage is recognised by the community. Contrary to today’s popular opinion, Myanmar’s common law does not require a couple to follow a formal ritual or hold a marriage certificate to legalise their union. Traditionally, a couple was recognised as husband and wife if the local community was informed, if the paso – a man’s lower dress, or longyi – was seen hanging on the rope of their home or if the couple ate their meals from the same plate.
Although such traditional ways of formalising a union are still technically acceptable, most modern couples have come to view the western-style marriage certificate as the only way to sufficiently declare a legal bond in the eyes of the government and a social bond in the eyes of the community.
Additionally, generations Myanmar couples, apart from those who cannot afford to, have held receptions as a way of declaring their marriage to the community and allowing friends and family to share in the festivities. Such receptions have always been especially important in raising the distinction of the woman. Today, few of the original customs are still practiced and the remaining ones are beginning to change as well.
In the past, for example, the home served as the usual wedding venue, with the ceremony’s date and time chosen for auspiciousness by an astrologer. In the ceremony, the bride and groom, in their wedding finery and accompanied by the bridesmaid and the best man, respectively, would make their way through the house to special velvet cushions laid a carpeted floor. The bride would sit on the left and the groom on the right.
At the appointed time, the master of ceremonies, traditionally a Brahmin, would enter the room. After blowing a conch shell to officially mark the start of the ceremony, he would place the bride and groom’s raised palms together. The groom would turn his right palm upward as a gesture to ask for the bride’s hand and the bride would turn hers downward as a sign of consent.
The joined palms would then be wrapped by a piece of white cloth, to symbolise purity and union, and then dipped into a silver bowl half filled with water to show that the couple is now unbreakable like water.
After muttering a few mantras in Sanskrit and taking the couple’s joined palms out of the bowl, the Brahmin would blow his shell again to conclude the ceremony.
Subsequently, a singer would recite a eulogy and a lyrical verse, known as awbaza and yadu, respectively, to praise the bride and groom and their parents. The ceremony would formally conclude with an address by a learned man, who would speak about the meaning of a wedding and urge the couple to be faithful to each other.
The learned man would also give a lecture about the respective duties of husband and wife, according to the Buddha’s sermon. For the husband, such duties include loving his wife, esteeming her, not committing adultery, endowing her with worldly possessions, and finally providing her with ornaments. Duties of a wife include managing all household chores, looking after the relatives, not committing adultery, protecting the property and avoiding laziness.
Upon the speech’s conclusion, a few ladies holding large silver bowls would scatter their contents – popcorn and coins – over the heads of the guests. Next, after the newly married couple had paid homage to their parents, the guests would be entertained and fed.
In the countryside, wedding presents usually consisted of oxen, farms and the like while urban couples would usually receive gifts ranging from tea sets to cars, houses, and jewellery. The simplest present, money enclosed in an envelope – today’s most popular practice – was virtually unheard of in the past.
On their way from the ceremony to the bedroom, the couple would be halted by a series of strings held at each end by family members, relatives or close friends. Should he want to lead his wife into the room, the man had to pay a toll, which was already prepared in advance.
Another traditional practice is the so-called stone fee payment. Especially popular in villages, in this tradition the parents of the bride-to-be have to pay pocket money to a band of village lads who throw stones onto the roof of the bride’s house while the engagement ceremony is being performed. This practice is believed to originate in a story that says people threw earth, ash and bullock dung onto the first couple in the world to enjoy sex, resulting in the couple finding a dwelling to hide their conduct.
Today, the needs of modern lifestyles have influenced how weddings are conducted. In contemporary weddings, couples try to minimise their reception ceremonies and now hold them at hotels, halls, meditation centres and monasteries more often than at homes.
Additionally, although the traditions of reciting eulogy, singing lyrical verses and paying the toll-fee and stone-fee payments are generally still practiced, most others have already died out. Cloth-wrapping, while it can still be seen among some couples, is rapidly disappearing.
Wherever it is held, a modern wedding is usually less formal than in days past. Masters of ceremonies for the receptions, who in the past were generally Indian Brahmins, can now be any general Myanmar person. Receptions at township halls and monasteries include no formalities and follow a first-come, first-served system of eating food.
Wedding traditions have changed due to the modern couple’s lack of time and money, a situation that has advantages and disadvantages, says Daw Nu Mra Zan, director of the Department of Cultural Institutes in the Ministry of Culture.
“People can’t afford time now. Past weddings used to take very long and the guests felt embarrassed sitting on the floor for hours,” she said. “To include all formal items, it would take about half a day, which is impossible in this rushed age.”
She says modern weddings produce less warmth between the couples and the guests as the couples just walk past their guests, greet prominent guests and then leave the room. Some guests leave a ceremony without ever greeting the couple.
“We don’t have a chance to greet the couple closely now,” she continued. “In the past, in Rakhine State, we put money in a bowl lying in front of the couple, in person. We didn’t enclose it in envelopes. Now guests feel ashamed to hold money in their hands so they just leave their packed presents at the front counter.”
Another obvious change in modern weddings is the type of food that is served. Traditionally, hot and cold food items, such as tea and ice cream, were never served together. But at many modern receptions, held at western-influenced hotels for example, such items are often served together.
Additionally, there is a declining tendency among modern couples to wear formal wedding dress, while many brides today now hold a bouquet of flowers.
“Holding such a bouquet is not our tradition,” Daw Nu Mra Zan said.
She says that although keeping modern ceremonies short is good for people in today’s age who value time and money, there are some traditions worth preserving.
“Couples should hold on to wearing full traditional dress,” she said. “Look at Korean and Japanese people, who still preserve their traditions however westernised they are.”
Although she does not object to changing some exaggerated traditions that she says are no longer suitable in the modern period, Daw Nu Mra Zan says that adopting change, just for the sake of change, is not a good enough reason.
“We shouldn’t fail to present the Myanmar style and tradition.”
(This article was published in the print edition of a "Wedding" special supplement by The Myanmar Times in October, 2006.)
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